I really wanted to like this book.... There are pieces of it that were really great, but there was so much wrong with it (sigh), both from a plot stand point and as an editor, it just ruined it for me.
Let me start with the premise of the story. Emma is a screenwriter who lives in LA. She has a lot of friends--so many, in fact, it takes a while to remember who they all are. There's Holly, her best friend in LA, but then she has a group of friends she grew up with--Missy, Ben, and Pete. And Pete also lives and works in LA, and even though they are great friends, Emma has never met Pete's business partner, Jack, until early in the story when she literally runs into him. Later, we'll meet some other important people, like Grandpa, his best friend whose name I forget, Dan, Lexi, Laura, and Scot (yes, with one T.)
Emma realizes that she is interested in Jack immediately, but she had her heart broken by her ex-husband so she doesn't date or think about relationships ever--not even when she really thinks a guy is hot and knows he likes her, too. Even when Jack makes it clear that he is interested in her and that he's a good guy, she doesn't buy it. You can already see where it's going from early one when we discover that Jack has dated a lot of women but he's not a player and yet Emma is still scared that he'll cheat on her. Any guesses what ends up happening?
Nevertheless, despite this sexy man wanting her so badky, Emma ignores him and tries to run away. Her friends tell her to go for it, even Pete who knows Jack so well. She still runs away. Her friends call her "Mouse" because she keeps hiding in a "mouse hole." This may have been a cute analogy once or twice but it is stated over and over and over and over again. Eventually, of course, Emma gives in and decides to give Jack a whirl (or a roll--in the hay, as the case may be). But--as you can guess, there is one miss understanding after the other until the end, which I will not spoil for you.
There are so many occurrences that seem pretty far-fetched but need to happen for the story to work. For example we get a tiny shred of foreshadowing at one point when Jack takes his phone out of his pocket and puts in on a dresser.So later, when there is a misunderstanding, he can't call Emma because he doesn't have his phone. Also, in another situation where Emma is very mad at Jack about something she has very little evidence to suspect he did, she won't call him because she just doesn't want to think about it. She'd rather get really drunk on whiskey and spend the night at Ben's house. This does not seem realistic at all to me. The explanation, of course, is that she's a mouse and she's immature. Well, I don't buy it. She's not immature in anything else she does, so why would she be when it comes to relationships? Wouldn't she at least call him to tell him to go pluck himself?
There were some descriptions that McCoy wrote really well. She is particularly talented at writing steamy scenes, something many authors struggle with. They were believable and well described without being too intimate. She also took her time and let the story develop, which is a rarity with many romance writers as well. At times, it seemed a little drawn out, but for the most part, the pacing was pretty perfect.
I did not see an editor listed on the Kindle addition and I'm wondering if McCoy didn't attempt to edit her own work--something that is nearly impossible to do well. There are so many comma splices--like dozens--it was extremely distracting. Here is an example:"You hurt yourself by believing the worst, don't you see that?" Likewise, the word okay is constantly capitalized even in the middle of a sentence. Such as this one: "Hey, Mousey. Everything Okay?" There were also lots of places where she didn't put a comma before "and" where one was required and put one where it wasn't needed. There are plenty of questions that end with periods and even some statements with question marks. Here is an example of the first instance: "But did you see them, like, kiss or anything." and one of the later: "I thought he was supposed to be here?" Finally, there were some phrases used that I had never heard before that seemed odd to me, sort of like when I edit for second language learners, though I believe she is an American. Here is an example: "She stayed at mine last night, she was in a bit of a state." (note the comma splice as well!)
McCoy has several titles available, but I don't think I will be reading anything else from her unless it is highly recommended by a close friend. I didn't even bother to read the chapter of the next book included in the back of this one. I see that she has quite the following, and I think that's wonderful. Her writing just isn't for me. I need a story that makes me think and wonder what is going to happen, not something so predictable. And I would strongly recommend a good editor. For me, this one is only 2.5 stars, though on Amazon, I gave it 3 (rounded up.) You can check it out for yourself here. It is currently free as of September 23, 2015.
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