My Review of Lord Love a Zombie: Dead Inside: Welcome by Nina Hobson

I am intrigued by zombies--vampires, ghosts--if it's scary, I wanna read about it. And when this book showed up on one of the many book deal email promos I subscribe to a couple of days ago, my interest was piqued. The premise was so unusual; I'd never heard anything like it before. Imagine a world where zombies have used up all of their reserves. They are running out of food and are beginning to turn on themselves. Meanwhile, a small band of surviving humans decide to take a leap of faith and trust a group of zombies that promises to help them hide from the raging zombie masses.  Sounds pretty cool, right?
Well, it was't. Not even a little bit.
My first clue that this was not gonna be a great read should have been the cover. I know how much a good cover costs--I know how much a stock photo costs--and I know it's pretty much free to go take a picture of your own house, slop some words on it, and call it a cover. I think this author may have gone for option three.  Nevertheless, there was already a five star review that sounded convincing. And since it was free, I downloaded it.
Turns out my instinct was right on the money.

Another reader, perhaps? Photo courtesy of Pixabay

From the very beginning, we are thrust into scene after scene with a long list of characters but little to no information about any of them.  And we never get any! There's a group of humans--I'm not even sure I can name them all, but I'll try; let's see--Marshall, Henry, Cynthia, Julia, Jeff, and Connor--who eventually run into a zombie family--Abner, Ernest, Anna, and Jackie--and then start on their way to some human camp. Of course, they don't make it there.  And some of them get killed or turned into zombies.  And no one really seems to care, so why should I? Even when someone loses their spouse, there is no emotional outburst; it's kinda like, "Meh...." Maybe this is the author's attempt to show how detached we will be in the future during the zombie apocalypse. Or maybe  the author doesn't know her characters any better than we do.  In fact, she doesn't even bother to tell us what they look like. She does mention at one point that one of them is 52, but it's stuck in like someone read through her book and said, "Hey, tell us about your characters so we can imagine them," and she was like, "Okay, this guy is 52." How am I supposed to become emotionally invested in a bunch of characters that I can't tell apart?
And then there is the language of the book. It is written like stage directions. No, really. At first, I thought I was reading a screenplay and at any minute it would go to characters talking with their name out to the left. But it didn't. 'Cause it's not a screenplay. We just get gems of sentences like, "'Hey guys,'" zombie Henry lurches into view as he lowers his gun." End scene. And this one is so bizarre, I actually read it out loud to my husband, "Outside, Ernest, Abner, Anna, Connor, Marshal, Cynthia, and Henry stand around in a loose circle." Is that really the most creative way that sentence could have been crafted?
Sometimes it is hard to tell who is speaking because more than one person talks per paragraph. Sometimes it's hard to tell who is speaking because everyone is basically the same flat-lined character, and it doesn't really matter who is speaking.
The real tragedy here, however, is that this author had such a fabulous idea, but she sucked the life out of it more so than any zombie ever could have. As a freelance editor, I have read a lot of crappy books that had no great idea. This one has a great idea but still ended up being... not so fabulous.  Perhaps with the help of a great--or even semi-talented editor--Ms. Hobson could fix this nightmare.  Maybe she could infuse some life back into her  dead book. Otherwise, well, I'm sad to say, I don't think it's gonna make it. And that's disappointing because it really is a good idea--in theory.
It also makes me very sad to see yet another example of a self-published author (I am assuming) falling into that stereotypical profile of lousy writing. I know there are great self-pubs out there, but this one could be used as evidence to the contrary.
On a positive note, it was a very short read, and I was able to finish it in less than two hours.
I know there are some people who honestly enjoy a bad read, much like watching the show Mystery Science Theater 3000. If you're that guy, then this one is for you.
I hate to leave bad reviews, and I hate that Ms. Hobson may read my review and be upset, but I hope that she can see the positive in it, that I am giving her sound advice from both a writing and editing aspect.  And I've got to be honest. Y'all wouldn't read my blog any more if you thought I was lying to you, right?
If you'd like to read my two star Amazon review of Lord Love a Zombie: Dead Inside: Welcome (why all the colons?) you can find it here.
If you'd like to try this one for yourself, I'm sad to say it's no longer free. You can purchase it on Amazon here for $2.99.  If you give it a go, please come back and share your thoughts, especially if you disagree with me. Hey, that other lady gave it a five star review, so maybe I'm just way off base (but no, I don't think so....)